Turning Self Doubt into your Greatest Strength: Becca Goldman relentlessly redefines herself

February 2018

 

 By Sam Goodman

Editor in Chief


 
 

"Though I am said to be many things, I am not bound to those definitions because I am relentlessly redefining who I am..."

 

 
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       What exactly does it mean to be an artist? How does the label of 'painter' 'drawer' 'cartoonist' define a creator? Does being an artist mean being confident in your abilities, in your talent, in your aesthetic? Or is it being open and willing to doubt, think, over-analyze, and doubt again. Becca Goldman may paint with bright colors and long strokes; she may draw using the ink of a pen or the lead of a pencil, but, for her, putting paint to canvas, pen to paper, and mind over matter, is never that easy. Not that she ever wanted it to be in the first place. 

       "I am not an artist. I do not choose to embrace this label. This doesn’t mean that I am not confident. This means that I am constantly shaping how I want to define myself. Many people have given me the label of an artist just because I have the ability to generate drawings and paintings. Everybody has this ability, regardless of their perceived “talent.” Yet, I am filled with self-doubt. Though I continuously share my strong opinions and ideas, it doesn't change the fact that I am constantly questioning myself," Goldman said.

       Becca Goldman is a 17 year old senior at De Toldeo High School in West Hills, California and ever since she could finger paint, Goldman has been expressing herself through her art. 

       She is a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, and, most prominently, a self-critic. This criticism doesn't begin or end staring at her easel, uncapping her pen, or readjusting her grip on her brush, it finds itself into her everyday life. However, Goldman does not view this criticism as a negative thing, rather, as a way to grow and build her character. She believes that being in a state of doubt allows one to become a better them.

       "I will never be able to fully embrace my decisions, but I never want to. My mind is constantly growing because of this apprehension. Self-doubt is looked at as a weakness instead of a strength. It is looked at as uncertainty instead of a questioning. I believe that self-doubt is one of the greatest strengths a person can possess. Hesitation gives one the ability to take a step back. Owning this is allowing yourself to embrace the fact that you are a work in progress," Goldman said. 

 
 

 
 

"Self-doubt is looked at as a weakness instead of a strength. It is looked at as uncertainty instead of a questioning. I believe that self-doubt is one of the greatest strengths a person can possess. Hesitation gives one the ability to take a step back. Owning this is allowing yourself to embrace the fact that you are a work in progress." 

 
 

 
 

       When finding inspiration for her work, Goldman finds this self-doubt to be a sort of road block. However, she finds this idea to be freeing. An artist needs this freedom to create and this detachment allows for her views to connect with the pieces on a deeper level, according to Goldman

       "Most of these pieces have any specific meaning and that’s okay. Through these pieces I pushed myself just by letting go and letting my mind and body do what it wanted. Personally, none of these pieces have a 'deeper meaning' to me, but to other viewers it’s easy for them to find their meaning because it’s not drawn to be personalized," Goldman said.

 

 
 
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"IT  IS  OUR  JOB  to to allow our minds to develop and change. It is our responsibility TO FABRICATE OUR OWN WORLDS and identity.  And that is exactly what we should be doing. Throughout life, things are taught to us in A FORMULA. It forces people to stay within those boundaries and PREVENTS AUTHENTIC CONNECTIONS with ourselves. To truly be able to create who we are as independent individuals WE NEED TO  doubt ourselves and QUESTION OUR OWN DECISIONS in order TO GROW. It is a time to focus on your needs and your own creation. It is okay to do this. IT IS OKAY TO BE SELFISH. It is okay to take time for yourself and recognize your own skepticism. This is not a bad thing. The process of trying to find yourself is what fuels a person to constantly create in their own way," Goldman said.

 

 

 

Art by becca

Outcast 

Acrylic Paint, Ink

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A personal reflection of the vieweR.

 

Blue

Graphite, Charcoal, Solid Marker

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Three different angles of one object combined by three different compositions. 

Solid Fluidity

Ink on Paper

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Five minute sketch that combines solidarity with fluidity.

 

Structured Pandemonium

Ink on Canvas 

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Simplicity created out of pure frustration.